Don't push me, I am not okay

Today has not been good. In fact, it can be classified as bad, very bad. I was told, today, I have one week to prepare for a funding deadline I had previously been told and misled to believe was two months away. It was only because i asked the right person very direct questions that I was told at all.

I don't know what to say to my supervisor, who just forgot to tell me but remembered to tell the person one year further on in Phd about it and is actively helping him attain this highly competitive University Grant. I am at a loss.

This is a problem that really, in the greater scheme of things, is a bit, well, insignificant - at the highest point of further education I have been slightly slighted - oh poor me. But I just wish my supervisor wasn't so buddy-buddy that it makes it a bit more personal than it ought to be.

I'm not sure I really want to deal with somebody who signs jokey emails with kisses and begins them with a jovial "Hey you!" but doesn't seem to have my best interests in mind. I don't want another friend, I want a tutor and I certainly don't want somebody who's neither.

I feel really screwed over in this. I don't need it at the moment and now I have to ask her for a reference for this fucking money that I really fucking need. Oh fucking hell.



I won't be blogging for a while as I will be in stress fuelled tears...